I finally have a concrete idea of what I want to do, or I finally know how to talk about it. Friday ended up being a great thesis day, and I’m ready to frankly do whatever the hell I want for my thesis projects. I’m done talking about my idea, and I feel like I’m ready to start creating. Now this all sounds good, but I’m feeling probably more anxious and panicky than I’ve felt all semester due to my lack of unproductivity this weekend. I was so motivated to get going on Friday, then due to housing a visitor, and other social commitments, wasn’t able to lock myself away and just focus on my work. I’m really trying to NOT enter a state of panic, but EVERY week I say to myself, this is the week I’m going to start on these projects, and I don’t. What is it going to finally take to get going? I can get my studio projects done .. at the cost of neglecting thesis. Today (Monday) I have a convention at the UN, project due Tuesday, two presentations Wednesday, then thesis again on Friday. I have no idea how everything will get done on top of sitting in class eveyday for 6 hours. I’m most productive when I’m alone. I used to lock myself in the art building at Appalachian to get everything done. I’d get there at midnight, work for 4 or 5 hours in peace, and finish a project. Being busy isn’t really the issue. I used to be busier in undergrad, and even in the MS Program last year. I sleep more than I ever used to yet I’m only getting half the work done. I feel like it’s impossible to be alone in the sense of the word I need. At home I have roommates, an annoying dog that never shuts up, visitors, and a million other distractions, like a room and apartment that never stay clean. Everything stresses me out now, and I don’t know how to get over it. I can head to my studio, but that subtracts a good hour or 45 min of my time, and I’m not “alone.” I just need to get out of this cycle. I hate how I feel so together in one way, but so behind in another.
Keep calm and carry on.
How many days until graduation ??